If there is one thing in the world the Steelworker's Promise loves doing, it is MAKING YOU RICH. Here at the Steelworker's Promise Internet-Based Salon of Increasingly and Ridiculously Infrequent Dumb Jokes and Longwinded Nonsense, your bottom line is our ONLY LINE.
So when you wake up next week and look out the salvaged wood-framed windows of your loft that used to be a printer's building and see the sad A-frame homes of the poor people who used to live in your neighborhood floating down your trendy art-district streets past the one-word named design stores and bottle shops, iPhone up your preferred broker and pull the trigger on these HOT STOCKS (literally [fart]):
Consolidated Stilt (CST)
Union of Himalayan Mountain-Based Seersucker Tailors (UHMBST)
The Pontoonary (PNY)
Thompson's Water Seal for People (TWSP)
Things Less Dense Than Water Store (TLDW)
Upside-Down Umbrellas, LLC (UDU)
Whichever Rich Eccentric is Financing the Production of Amphicars These Days (WREFPATD)
It's always Happy Sailing on the Profit Sea!