More Gardening Tips for the Modern Earth Goddess:
1) On the eve of the solstice, over a fire of birch twigs and juniper, cut off and burn a single dreadlock in honor of Resplendor, the Spirit of Resplendent Blossoming.
2) Use short strips of cloth, cut from a midwife's apron, to tie an amethyst to each of your spring bulbs. This will protect your bulbs from evil spirits that want to eat their tiny bulb souls.
3) If your plants become sick, treat them as you would your own sick child: sprinkle them with lilac-infused goat's milk while reciting your favorite Wellness Poem.
4) You don't need capitalist blood money to buy garden tools. You can fashion your own from geodes and hemp!
5) Fertilize your perennials with menses.
6) In late June, the seven Ovarian Moons will align harmoniously in the western sky, producing an "O'Keefian Flare." At midnight on this day, cover yourself in mud and loose leaves and howl into the night. Howl for Gaia's spirit, alive in everything. Howl for armpit hair, and the 1991 Jetta. Howl for the fairies, whose haunting, endless dance among the Gardens of Life brings vibrancy to the tulips, perfume to the rose.
7) If you ever feel a doubt (creeping into your mind like a venture capitalist in the night) that fairies aren't real, that our lives are not guided by the whims of spirits, that we are just people, wandering through life alone and without a net to catch us, just rub your talisman three times and turn up the Bob Marley.