NEVER GO IN THE OCEAN - VOLUME 2

THE GHOSTLY ECHOES OF LONG-DEAD MONSTERS OF THE MURDEROUS DEEP

The fact that you should not go in the ocean because it is scary is not a new fact. In fact, it is an old fact. 

A FACT OLDER THAN TIME ITSELF.

Back before blogs and J Crew V-neck merino sweaters (I can hardly imagine a world without those simple, elegant sweaters), Earth's oceans brimmed with horrible beasts: even bigger and horribler than the shit that lives down there today. Thank our vengeful God that these creatures are extinct, probably from looking in the mirror and scaring themselves to death.

I CAN PROMISE HOWEVER, that if I had lived in the Mesozoic Era, my blog-based campaign against going in the ocean would have been doubly intense. Like two-posts-a-day intense. I am committed to this cause.

THE EVIDENCE: