Never Go In The Ocean will be a continuing series in which I present irrefutable evidence that all natural bodies of water are gross and scary and you should never go in them.
Heed this advice, traveler.
When futuremen dig through the ruins of our crumbled society, they will eventually unearth this blog (That's how blogs work, yes? They are tangible things, that in the future will be revered as priceless artifacts? Yes, I thought so.) and be amazed at the foresight in these pages.
"Yes!" the futuremen will say. "These are the very creatures that drove us from Earth, which we have only recently returned to because all the horrible sea monsters finally died because all the humans left and the sea monsters had nothing to eat!"
"Oh, if only the people of the past had listened!" the futuremen will wail, and rend their futuregarments.
STAY OUT OF THE WATER.